In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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