fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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