he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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