I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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