I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
