Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
