my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
