I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
