so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
