My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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