Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
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