I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
