YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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