We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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