I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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