are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
