I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
he fucked my hip out of place.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
