He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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