In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
