I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
The air was thick with penises
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
