wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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