11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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