There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
