just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
His nipple licking is glorious
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