i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
