Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
