dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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