Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
