***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
