your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
