Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You're earring is so big in my mouth
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
