then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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