i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
