Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
