I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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