capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
