he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
