I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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