I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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