at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
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I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
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I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Floor bacon is actually really good
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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