it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
