Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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