When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
