Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Randomize
