No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
