What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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