i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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