I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
