There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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