I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
