My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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