we made out on top of his cat.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
