well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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