well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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