I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
