Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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