I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
