So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Michael Bay diarrhea
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
