I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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