smell my finger.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
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Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
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I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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