oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
