in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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