Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
