So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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