Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
