matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Randomize
