I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
