My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
