Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize